Thongs, Strings or Straps?

It's official - it's summer in Texas. The days are hot and steamy, girls are wearing short-shorts and halter-tops. Kids are swimming at the beach and you can hear bands with their primitive beats from the lakeside enticing young women and men to jiggle and gyrate to the moving rhythms. The girls and guys are gravitating to the area with beach towels, sun tan lotion and those wonderful little bikinis.

I tried on my bathing suit yesterday to see if it still fit. Yes, it fit all right, only in the wrong places!

So I haven't been exercising like I should. I tried going to a gym last winter in anticipation of summer. However I couldn't pass the entrance exam. You know, you enter wearing a body suit with a strap that disappears somewhere behind you.

The first time I saw one of those contraptions on another female I couldn't believe where they expected me to wear that strap! Years ago we had sandals called thongs… know what a thong is today? They don't go on your feet!

The gym commercials aren't lying either. Those same hard bodies you see on TV are the same ones in the gym. And of course there are big glass windows on the front of the facility so that all the cars and passersby can watch the guys lifting and the gals bending.

I want to know where they hide the soft bodies -- the ones over 35 -- ok, ok, the ones over 40… all right, over 50… with those few extra bulges, they're certainly not in the windows!

The apartment complex I used lived in added a workout room two doors down from my apartment – so convenient! If I woke up early enough I could sneak down there before anyone could see me.

The first morning at the new workout room I worked with weights for my upper arms, did some leg curls to work on the thighs (notice I didn't say 'mine,' I refuse to claim them) and then I hit the stair master.

I slapped that thing as hard as I could and it wouldn't budge. The apartment manager must have seen me because she came running in and told me not to mistreat the equipment. C'mon – who's mistreating whom here?

One week I actually made it to the workout room three times. I stayed for about 15 minutes, long enough to do 10 sit-ups, five minutes on the treadmill and 10 steps on the stair master. As the first bead of sweat dripped down my shirt, I figured I had done quite enough for one day.

I never thought I would have to worry about flabby thighs or a bulging tummy when I was young. And, it's getting harder and harder to lose those few pounds I gain each winter. They keep finding new places to attach themselves and never where I can use them the most. Every time I start losing weight I change bra sizes. I have four different sizes in my drawer – a size for each season.

Not long ago, a male friend, whom I hadn't seen in several months, asked me if I didn't think my hips were bigger than they used to be. Luckily, he was not standing within (h)arms length.

Yes, exercise is wonderful, it can turn a soft, flabby body into a body wracked with pain, sore joints and aching muscles!

If I continue at the pace I'm going I might fit into my bathing suit by Labor Day -- no thongs, strings or straps…. But it will have a nice big “skirt” to hide the cellulite!!